Huw "BOOTS" Alderman (rhythm guitar, vocals & compound mitre saw (2008 - present)
What can be said about this pale, pseudo-Polynesian singer that Boots has not said himself? His voice has often been described as “whisky over gravel”, albeit by the totally hammered and deaf section of his audience. Huw has been a long time hoarder and student of the guitar but has only recently started playing without his favourite woolen mittens.
Huw learnt his craft bingo calling and doing Elvis impressions at the “Why are we still here” Rest Home in Swindon until a nasty, whiplash incident when one of the female residents threw her drawers at him. The elastic burn scars from that soggy blow still remain visible under certain light and although Huw dribbles involuntarily at any mention of this incident, its effects are more obvious when straining daily for his bottom notes. Not many know that he also carries a lucky plectrum in his underpants for protection against G-string malfunction.
Huw learnt his craft bingo calling and doing Elvis impressions at the “Why are we still here” Rest Home in Swindon until a nasty, whiplash incident when one of the female residents threw her drawers at him. The elastic burn scars from that soggy blow still remain visible under certain light and although Huw dribbles involuntarily at any mention of this incident, its effects are more obvious when straining daily for his bottom notes. Not many know that he also carries a lucky plectrum in his underpants for protection against G-string malfunction.
Trevor "THE VICAR" Harris (Bass, Lead guitar & Social Harp)(2008 - present)
After being humiliatingly de-frocked (so the fake news goes) for selling his organ to fund a fetish for Stratocaster guitars, and suffering depression known only to Southampton FC supporters of that time, "The Vicar" spent many years “woodshedding” in the Delta blues service station on the A1(M) South. Trevor then pruned his roots and, when he sensed England's attention was diverted by Huw Alderman's lack of potty training, craftily moved hemisphere to discover the real home of the blues, “Hamilton”.
However, his wife and family finally tracked him down and he has only ever looked back since jointly conceiving, via the rhythm method, Call of Nature, later reinvented as The Conmen. Being a man of obvious breeding, he has never divulged who helped with conception but there is a rumour that Boots assisted at the birth.
However, his wife and family finally tracked him down and he has only ever looked back since jointly conceiving, via the rhythm method, Call of Nature, later reinvented as The Conmen. Being a man of obvious breeding, he has never divulged who helped with conception but there is a rumour that Boots assisted at the birth.
Marty "NO NICKNAME" Haughie (Drums & TILE-CUTTER)(2013 - present)
After a serious hair injury stopped him modelling Product items, Marty had to take a step back from the limelight ……falling over a drum kit in the process. Liiking the sound it made, Marty decided that performing whilst sitting down out of sight but being able to eye up all the ladies was a great idea.
He has filled the extremely large and turps-soaked shoes of his predecessor from early 2013 and enjoys being the band's noisiest banger.
He has filled the extremely large and turps-soaked shoes of his predecessor from early 2013 and enjoys being the band's noisiest banger.
DAVE "DAVE" WILKINSON (LEAD GUITAR)(2018 - PRESENT)
The most recent band-member to join us, there is no bio information to provide until he gives us the lowdown and allows us to expand/contract/explode as required. All we know is that Dave is brilliant and he turns up regularly for all our practices and gigs. What more could we ask for?
DEREK HARTLEY (2019 - PRESENT)
Even less is known about the enigmatic "Deeks" who joins our line-up when not managing other emergencies in the Waikato. Both Dave and Deeks moonlight in the "Hillman Hunters" band to keep their amazing skill levels up.
DEREK HARTLEY (2019 - PRESENT)
Even less is known about the enigmatic "Deeks" who joins our line-up when not managing other emergencies in the Waikato. Both Dave and Deeks moonlight in the "Hillman Hunters" band to keep their amazing skill levels up.
AND SOMETIMES WE HAVE......
AMY-LEE GORLICKI (SAX) (2015 - 2017, ???)
Late 2015, ANZ Bank infiltrated the band in the presence of Amy-Lee - bringing much-needed sax-appeal and making a group of old men very happy. Amy also dabbles in clarinet, harmonica and keyboards but still found time to get married in 2016, dashing all our hopes.
Happily, Amy fitted well into our mix and, amongst other things, helped moderate the frequency of 'willy' jokes. Nature being what she is, Amy left in late 2017 to extend her family (welcoming little Neo) and it remains to be seen if/when we get her back regularly. We live in hope.
Late 2015, ANZ Bank infiltrated the band in the presence of Amy-Lee - bringing much-needed sax-appeal and making a group of old men very happy. Amy also dabbles in clarinet, harmonica and keyboards but still found time to get married in 2016, dashing all our hopes.
Happily, Amy fitted well into our mix and, amongst other things, helped moderate the frequency of 'willy' jokes. Nature being what she is, Amy left in late 2017 to extend her family (welcoming little Neo) and it remains to be seen if/when we get her back regularly. We live in hope.
AND WE OWE A DEBT OF GRATITUDE TO THE FOLLOWING MAESTRI: -
MACIEK HYRBOWICZ (LEAD GUITAR)(2015)
Early in 2015, brilliant guitarist Maciek Hyrbowicz was conned into joining the ensemble. From an illustrious background, including in the UK prior to his arrival in Godzone, Maciek's experience quickly identified that the CONMEN's collective musical ability mirrored their knowledge of the Polish language. Thus it was that a combination of pity and reckless abandon helped the band scale new heights.
Maciek retired from the band in 2015 to concentrate on his other music initiatives but, short though his involvement was, the CONMEN owe Maciek such a debt of gratitude for his encouragement and musical comment that he deserves a special place in our archives.
Take time to visit http://maciekmusic.com and be amazed.
Maciek retired from the band in 2015 to concentrate on his other music initiatives but, short though his involvement was, the CONMEN owe Maciek such a debt of gratitude for his encouragement and musical comment that he deserves a special place in our archives.
Take time to visit http://maciekmusic.com and be amazed.
JINGYU ZHANG 村里的小牛 (alias JOE) (LEAD GUITAR) (2015 - 2017)
Probably the best guitarist in the world, Joe (assisted when necessary (1) by his lovely wife/translator, Mandy; or more commonly (2) the English-Chinese translator App on his Samsung) joined the band upon Maciek's departure in 2015 and was with us for 2 years. With ability even greater than his enormous effects pedal board, Joe raised the band to even higher levels of performance. Despite an almost-total lack of understanding of the english language, especially as she is properly spoke by the two UK expats, his fantastic playing ability did the talking necessary.
BRUCE "TOOTS" STOTT (HARMONICA & BOTTLE-OPENER)(2010 - 2018)
After a schooling in which, according to one of his mistresses’ reports, "Bruce has taken the art of underwhelming to new heights”, Toots began working life as a balloon tester for a well-known rubber company. This gave him an enormous set of lungs giving him the ability to blow a 12 octave Harp for 25 minutes and remain submerged longer than all but one species of whale. This made him very popular with the ladies but an embarrassment when performing his favourite party trick in a bidet.
Since his departure, Bruce's role as the band’s Health & Safety auditor and A-sample provider to WADA remains vacant.
BRUCE "TOOTS" STOTT (HARMONICA & BOTTLE-OPENER)(2010 - 2018)
After a schooling in which, according to one of his mistresses’ reports, "Bruce has taken the art of underwhelming to new heights”, Toots began working life as a balloon tester for a well-known rubber company. This gave him an enormous set of lungs giving him the ability to blow a 12 octave Harp for 25 minutes and remain submerged longer than all but one species of whale. This made him very popular with the ladies but an embarrassment when performing his favourite party trick in a bidet.
Since his departure, Bruce's role as the band’s Health & Safety auditor and A-sample provider to WADA remains vacant.
